Challenging Behaviour
Types of Aggression
- Towards peers and siblings
- Towards caregiver
- Verbal and physical
Examples of Difficult Behaviour Could Include ...
- (Intense hard emotions)
- Screaming, raised voice, rude noises
- Physical Aggression
- Leaving tasks, avoidance
- Sticky thinking
- "Needy"
- Sensitivity to environment
- Justice Crusader
Understanding Behaviour
- There are no quick fixes! Behaviours take time to learn and take time to unlearn.
- We need to understand the behaviour – understand what function it serves for the child. So, let’s be curious ...
- There are no ‘cookie cutter’ solutions. Every child is different.
Understanding the Why Behind Behaviours
- Biological (e.g. pain, medication, personality, hunger, being tired, energy level)
- Social needs (e.g. attachment, boredom, attention, confusion)
- Sensory information (noise, lighting, temperature)
- Environmental cues and differences ( 2 people can experience it differently)
- Experiences in life
- Communication differences
Non-Violent Discipline
Many of us were born in a time where spanking, aggression, or other types of physical punishment was used on children. The research says that other things like positive reinforcement of expected behaviours is MUCH more effective.
Behavioural Sensitivities
Every person is unique, and so are their triggers, in either intensity, duration, or type.
- Sight
- Taste
- Sound
- Sensation/touch
- Smell
Research shows that social and environmental inputs impact us significantly, with evidence showing that how we experience our disabilities depends on it, which shows up in our symptoms and behaviour.
Being Impulsive
This involves acting before we think and not thinking about the consequences of our actions.
- Some people are more impulsive than others.have it more and others have it less.
- It’s normal for children to have a tough time with this.
- Our Temperament has something to do with it too
- Our Neurology: ADHD/ADD
Helping a child cope with BIG feelings
- 5 steps, what to do if we’re feeling stressed?
- Feelings chart/thermometer
- Celebrate achievements no matter when
- Naming feelings- role modeling and for our children "You look frustrated"
- Acknowledging feelings without taking them away.
- What is "calm breathing"?
- Calm breathing is a technique that teaches your child to slow down his or her breathing when feeling stressed or anxious.
Why is calm breathing important?
- When we all feel anxious or worried, our breathing changes. It can be short, quick, or shallow and at times people can hyperventilate. Breathing this way makes us feel worse!
- Breathing Calmly can lower anxiety and gives us a sense of control. It can be anywhere with us, and our children can do it even when we are not there.
Responding to Intense Emotions
When a child has intense emotion/s, try matching their intensity ...
- Agree
- Validate
- Low and Slow: Body and Voice
- "I want to help. I’m here when you're ready." Power sharing
Building on Positive Attachment
- Invite them to do something with you
Any way in which you invite them into your presence sends the message that you want to be close and connected: read a book, play a game, build something, hold hands during a walk, or tell jokes (You are pretty funny).
- Let them see your delight in them
Smile at them. When they come into the room, let them see your face light up without a reminder or request. Look happy. Nod 'yes'. Make eye contact as you think, "I like you," "You are great." When things are hard, we can do these little things often and our family will feel a difference.
- Be close by
If they don’t want to do something with us, we can move close to them. Make sure it’s a distance they can handle. Watch them play, participate in sports or after school activities, be present when they’re doing homework or an activity. This can be encouraging for them. We don’t have to hover, or say anything.
- Invite them to depend on you
This is hard to understand in our society, because we are taught to be independent. It seems everyone wants to be in charge. How can you invite our children to be dependent on us?
- Decide for them
In those times when stress takes over, we can say, "I'll figure this out" or "Let me think about it" if you’re not sure what to do. Then take care of it. Or later, take time to brainstorm with them, so it becomes a shared responsibility. This is helpful when you notice frustration and challenges building, or during transition and change.
- Be on their side
If they’re having challenges with friends or school, or have big or hard feelings around other areas of their lives, let them know we’re here to help them rather than blaming, shaming or judging. When they start to share their truths, listen without interrupting. Show them you hear what they have to say. For example, saying "That sounds really tough."
Let kids know you're listening (They ALWAYS Know)
- When children are talking about concerns, stop whatever you are doing and listen. Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive.
- Listen to their point of view, even if it’s difficult to hear. Let them complete their point before you respond. Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly.
Respond in a way children will hear
- Soften strong reactions. Express your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it’s okay to disagree. Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say, "I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think." Focus on your child’s feelings rather than your own during your conversation. I allow myself 1 DEEP Breath. Okay 2 ...
- Praising for the process a child used increases motivation and confidence by focusing children on the actions that led to success. It might be effort, strategies, focus, persistence in the face of difficulty and taking on challenges.
